Need a Laugh???

[thai626]

How much is your hot dog worth??  How about US $10,169.69?

Don't believe me?  check it out for yourself!

http://cgi.ebay.com/Seattle-Seahawks-SUPER-DOG-NFC-Championship-hot-dog_W0QQitemZ5659617304QQcategoryZ1467QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

I love this Q&A...............
Q: What a great Idea, How did you come to the idea of selling a HOT DOG from the game? Why do you think it is so popular? Why not a Hamburger?   Jan-27-06 

A: I saw a guy selling a jar of air from the hawks-redskins game and me and a couple friends brainstormed and came up with a hot dog..

[Ramsburg]

Jesus :-)

I don't believe is that the seller will get all that money... some fake bidders on the middle for sure...
But... they have 229,000 page views on that auction... LOL...

[rickjust]

here is an ebay auction for you,
out of sydney australia

By Louisa Hearn
January 31, 2006 - 9:24AM

The four Sydney blokes auctioning a weekend of friendship on eBay were very rich men for a short time today as the site was hit with a flurry of fake bids reported to be as high as $45 million.

The amount began spiralling upward on Monday evening with a series of large international bids, said Mark Huts, one of the four blokes.

He said action had been taken on Tuesday to cut out the fakes, and those with no bidding history had been removed, bringing the bids down to $45,400. They have since risen to over $55,000.

An eBay spokesman said that when it came to bidding in high profile auctions "sometimes people get a little over excited". While eBay provides the marketplace and a number of tools for verifying bids it was up to its sellers to identify the fakes, he said.

Michael Berkovits, the managing director of GoingGone, which provides add-on verification services for eBay sellers, said fake high bids were especially common in well publicised auctions.

He said the problem facing the four blokes would be collecting from the winner at the end of the auction.

"They've done  a good job at marketing themselves but I can't see them getting the big money," he said.

Participants in the auction are bidding for the pleasure of hanging out with the "4 blokes" in their Lillyfield pad on February 18 and 19 as they go about their usual weekend business of enjoying "some beers, some snags, some good conversation and a hell of a lot of laughs".

The idea for the weekend was born in a Balmain pub, but the current level of bidding has taken the four blokes by surprise.

"We sat down and spoke about it over the weekend. When it hit the 2000 mark we thought 'wow' so this is just a crazy amount," said Mr Huts.

But despite the high price tag now being attached to the weekend he said they were not planning to upgrade the itinerary for their guest beyond the promised beer, snags and friendship.

Although the winner of the auction will become their "best mate" for the weekend, they must make their own travel arrangements and the four are still unsure about how they might accommodate their guest.

"We haven't planned whether to put them up or not," said Mr Huts.

Also up in the air is the status of the celebrity/international guest mysteriously alluded to in their advertisement. While the international guest is now confirmed as a definite addition to the weekend, his credentials as a celebrity could not be confirmed by Mr Huts.

"Either way he's our mate who comes direct to you from the UK. He'll have tales of London that will make you laugh and even cry," the advertisement says.

Mr Huts said the "4 blokes" weekend had already spawned one copycat on eBay with someone reproducing their listing exactly aside from the photograph and title. He said eBay had removed the listing once it was notified.

In 2003 six German women raised about $40,700 on eBay after promising to take a crate of beer and themselves along to the winner's party.

The "4 Blokes" auction will close at 1pm on Saturday.

[thai626]

Latest scam, and according to Snopes.com, this one is real. Be careful !!

I am a victim of the latest scam which is happening in shopping mall
parking lots. Two good looking young women come to your car as you are
parking, one starts wiping your windshield with a rag and the other
comes to your window and bends over so far her breasts just about fall out of her
blouse.

While you're distracted, the other one lets herself in the backseat and
then they both start begging you for a ride home. Be very wary, because
as soon as you start driving, one of them will take off her shirt and rub her
breasts on you while the other climbs over the seat and unzips your pants. This
is when they steal your wallet. I was robbed last Tuesday, Wednesday,
Thursday, and Friday, but I couldn't find them on Saturday or Sunday.

[snowcat]

Saint Peter was at the Pearly Gates when three people arrived. The first one comes up to the entrance and St. Peter asks, "What did you die of?"
The man replies, "I died of the big 'C'."

St. Peter says, "The big 'C'? What's that?"

The man replies, "Cancer. It ate me up alive."

St. Peter says, "You poor soul. Go right on in." The next man walks up to Saint Peter, and Saint Peter asks, "What did you die of?"

The man replies, "I died of the big 'H'."

Saint Peter asks, "The big 'H'? What's the big 'H'?"

The man says, "Heart attack. I was playing with my kids when my heart gave out, and here I am."

Saint Peter says, "You poor soul. Go right on in." The third person, a lady, walks up to Saint Peter. She is dressed like a street walker.

Saint Peter asks, "What did you die of?"

The girl replies, "I died of the big 'G'."

Saint Peter says, "The big 'G'? I've never heard of the big 'G'."

She says, "That's the big 'G' for Gonorrhea."

Saint Peter replies, "Gonorrhea? No one dies of gonorrhea!"

The girl says, "You do if you give it to Leroy."

[thai626]

Anyone who thinks ASTM shall die (FOUS...................haha), I got these words for you!!!!  Fous already knows what it is.................but to the rest of you http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare.swf


Now don't take this the wrong way now kids!  haha!

[B_Dub]

Anyone who thinks ASTM shall die (FOUS...................haha), I got these words for you!!!!  Fous already knows what it is.................but to the rest of you http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/youare.swf


Now don't take this the wrong way now kids!  haha!

Mi moma sed i no ideot yuo da ideot  lol lol lmao ol

[snowcat]

some valentine's day cards you will not find:

Hallmark doesn't cover these...

1. I always wanted to have someone to hold,
Someone to love.
(inside card)
After meeting you, I changed my mind.

2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life ...
(inside card)
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am .
(inside card)
That you're not here to ruin it for me.

4. Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
(inside card)
Will you take the knife from my back?
You'll probably need it again.

5. Someday I hope to marry ...
(inside card)
Someone other than you.

6. Happy Birthday!
You look great for your age ...
(inside card)
Almost life-like!

7. When we were together, you said you'd die for me...
(inside card)
Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
promise.

8. We've been friends for a very long time .
(inside card)
What do you say we stop?

9. I'm so miserable without you .
(inside card)
It's almost like you're still here.

10. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. .
(inside card)
Did you ever find out who the father was?

11. You are such a good friend, if we were on a
sinking ship and there was only one life jacket ...
(inside card)
I'd miss you terribly and think of you often.

12. Your friends and I wanted to do something really
special for your birthday. . . .
(inside card)
So we're having you put to sleep.

13. Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Alabama, Mississippi, and West Virginia).

14. Looking back o'er the years we've been together,
I can't help but wonder ...
(inside card)
What was I thinking?

15. Congratulations on your wedding day!. . .
(inside card)
Too bad no one likes your husband.

16. How could two people as beautiful as you ...
(inside card)
Have such an ugly baby?
__________________________________

[snowcat]

Big news in the States was when Vice President, Dick Cheney accidentally shot his 78 year old, attorney hunting buddy in the chest while they were hunting quail -

One health-care lobbyist chuckled: "It's not enough for the administration to cut Medicare; now they're taking out seniors one by one."

From David Letterman,
+ "We can't get Bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney."
+ "Honestly, I don't know what all of the fuss is about. What's more American than shooting your hunting buddy in the ass?"


From Jay Leno:
+ "When people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92%"
+ "After he shot the guy, he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'"

All revealed.
An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was but I just found out I'm a lesbian.

[snowcat]

sorry, the previous jokes were regarding Vice President, Dick Cheney shooting his 78 year old hunting buddy in the face with buckshot during a hunting accident.

The headlines read:

"Dick shoots prematurely"

"Dick shoots load in partner's face"

"Dick no longer shooting blanks"

"Attorney gets a big load in face from Dick"

Make up your own

(if you are not from the US, a "dick" is another name for a male sex organ" and BTW, "bush" is slang for a woman's)

[snowcat]

bumper stickers

IF YOU CAN'T FEED EM, DON'T BREED EM!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Have The Body Of A God - Buddha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If We Quit Voting, Will They All Go Away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illiterate? Write For Help.
~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honk If Anything Falls Off.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cover Me, I'm Changing Lanes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He Who Hesitates Not Only Is Lost,
But is Miles From The Next Exit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You! Out Of The Gene Pool - Now!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(Seen Upside Down On A Jeep)
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stop Lights Timed For 35 mph
Also Are Timed For 70 mph
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Guys: No Shirt, No Service
Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ax Me About Ebonics.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Boldly Going Nowhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Heart Attacks: God's Revenge
For Eating His Animal Friends
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Honk If You've Never Seen
An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is Lost?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE -- PLANT A MAN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All Men Are Animals; Some Just Make Better Pets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And Lastly: "POLITICIANS & DIAPERS BOTH NEED TO BE CHANGED, AND FOR THE SAME REASON"

========================================================

There was a man who worked for the Post Office...  whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.  One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God.  He thought he should open it to see what it was about. The letter read,





Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner.  Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.  I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. Can you please help me?

Sincerely,
Edna



The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars.  By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.  It read.


Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving bastards at the Post Office.

Sincerely,
Edna

[snowcat]

See photos of you when you were in High School!

Works with all Schools!

This site is good, I found one of mine.!!!    http://www.worldschoolphotographs.com/

[B_Dub]

 

[snowcat]

My second best lawyer joke:
One afternoon, a well-to-do lawyer was riding in his shiny limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate the situation.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We HAVE TO EAT GRASS!"

The lawyer then said, "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you!"

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he said, "You come with us, too."

The second man said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all!" the lawyer answered. They all jammed into the huge limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

Genuinely touched, the lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost a foot high!"




llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll


According to a Web survey by America Online and Salary.com, the average worker admits to wasting 2.09 hours per day, not counting lunch, which adds up to $759 billion on salaries.  The 10,044 respondents indicated their No. 1 time-wasting activity at work is personal Internet use (44.7%), followed by socializing with co-workers (23.4%), conducting personal business (6.8%), spacing out (3.9%), and running errands off-premises (3.1%). 

The insurance industry led all others in time wasted (2.5 hours/day), and in tenth place was finance and banking (1.8 hours/day).
Salary.com
Sr. Vice President Bill Coleman says, "Our survey results show that workers on average are wasting a little more than twice what their employers expect."  He added, however, that personal Internet use and casual office conversations often turn into new business ideas or efficiencies.

"Only two hours - that's pretty good" says an insurance expert from NY.

[snowcat]

"Comparisons of 'Titanic' and 'My Life'

A senior class was assigned to read two books ... 'Titanic' by James Cameron and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that both books were nearly identical stories!

Titanic: Cost $29.99
Clinton: Cost $29.99

Titanic: Over 3 hours to read.
Clinton: Over 3 hours to read.

Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.

Titanic: Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton: Bill is a bullshit artist.

Titanic: In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton: Ditto for Bill.

Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton: Ditto for Monica.

Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton: Let's not go there.

Titanic: Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton: Monica's forced to return her gifts.

Titanic: Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton: Clinton doesn't remember Jack.

Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton: Monica ... ooh, let's not go there, either.

Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hillary ... basically the same thing.

His cool professor gave him an A+ for the report."


;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

Larry King suggested to Jon Stewart that the current low ebb of the Democrats and Republicans was good for Mr. Stewart's business.


King: So, in a sense you're happy over this.
Stewart: No.

King: This gives you fodder.

Mr. Stewart replied that if government "began to solve problems in a rational way rather than just a way that involved political dividends, we would be the happiest people in the world to turn our attention to idiots like, you know, media people, no offense."

King: So, you don't want it to be bad?
Stewart: Did you really just ask me if I want it to be bad?

King: Yes because you--

Stewart: What are you--I have kids. What do you think? I want things to corrode to the point where we're all living in huts?

King: You don't want Medicare to fail?

Stewart: Are you insane?